Miscarriage (1st)

On April 25, 2018 something told me that I should grab a pregnancy test. As soon as I got home, I took the test and almost instantly got a positive sign. I calmed myself down knowing the next day was the hub’s 40th birthday and figured it would be the best birthday present ever for him. The next day, I surprised him and caught it on video. The moment was surreal, what was caught on camera was awesome but when I cut the camera is when we had the real moment. He cried, I cried and he screamed out thanking God.

See, we’ve never really “tried” to get pregnant. But because it didn’t just happen for us, we had some doubts. We’ve been so goal focused on our living situation, making sure we were both able to work from home before we had kids, our finances, our businesses, picking out where to live, etc etc. The timing never felt right. And here we were, the perfect timing. We of course told family and a small handful of close friends. Asking them to not tell anyone, because we were so early.

After going to the doctor, we got a confirmed heart beat and the length measured the Baby at a little over 6 weeks. The due date was confirmed for Dec. 31st, 2018. A New Years Baby.

The perfect timing for work as I would get a break literally the day the baby was born for a month or two. The announcement to @dkellerwoods was perfect. Everything was perfect, but we wanted to let wait to announce it until we knew everything was actually “perfect”. As we waited it seemed like every day someone announced “Baby coming December” and we thought wow that’s so early to announce. Something told us to wait.

Two days ago I started spotting. Everyone assured me it was normal, but I knew it wasn’t. Something felt off. It got heavier over the course of two days until I went to the doctor. Although I was prepared for the heartbeat to be gone, you can’t really “prepare”. The baby had stopped growing a week prior. So now, I wait for my body to naturally do what it knows to do.

I don’t write this to ask for you to feel sorry for us, we don’t need calls or motivational quotes. We will get through this together as we do everything and we can always attempt again. I write this because 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and most women are told to keep silent about it or feel like they should be ashamed. Women are normally told to get over it, you have time, you can make another baby, God needed a new flower in his garden, etc.... So when it does happen to you, you feel like you’re alone. They are more common than you think and although it doesn’t make it any easier to go through, more than likely you pass by a few women everyday that have experienced the same type of loss.

Whether you’re going through a miscarriage, infertility or any other issues, don’t get caught up in the hype of everyone only posting and talking about the positive parts of their lives . Everyone is going through something. Don’t compare your situation to others.

As I have to sit here and wait for my body to literally pass something that we were so excited about - it’s hard not to beat yourself up everything you could of done to possibly stop it from happening. Could I have ate more? Not exercised? Just fired all these employees that stress me out and go find new staff? Did I not eat enough vegetables? Or drink enough water? Did I not sleep enough? Do I work too hard? But at the end of the day, a miscarriage is your bodies way of weeding out the unhealthy pregnancies and gets you one step closer to hopefully having a healthy baby one day.

So until then, we’re back on the grind. Time to grow these businesses, perfect our trading skills, and selfishly spend more one on one time with the person I love more than anything in his world